Post From Xanga

I am posting this to "save" a post from my xanga account before I close it.

So I have not been blogging for sometime now not because I don't like to but because I have had so many crazy feelings going on inside. I was afraid to let people know how I was feeling because I am a pastors wife and most the people I talk to like to see the Pastor and his wife "have it all together" well I am proud to say that I do not have it all together. I have had to come to the understanding that God is really truly the only PERFECT person to roam this great big world I call home (only for now, Thank God). I went to a church planters conference 2 weeks ago and attend the "wives" tract. I have been dealing with alot of unknown feeling and was hoping this would help me to not feel alone in my roll. Well that I got out of is was that I indeed am not alone but still felt like I was the only wife to ever feel like maybe they were going crazy and unsure of the calling to be a pastors wife. I got to hear many wives speak but felt almost like they were robots. They shared nothing of the feeling they felt I mean truly felt. I didn't want stuff candy coated. Brent and I have learned that the people of our generation just want you to up front and tell them like it is. Don't fluff me just tell me. I felt like that at the conference. Stop dancing around the feelings and show some. On the way home from the conference I was talking to Brent and I told him that I am so sick of people not telling you how it really is. I mean think about giving birth, I have 2 kids and when I was pregnant with my first of course I knew it was going to hurt but when I would talk to people about it they would always say "oh Hun it is the best thing ever you just feel so whole". Now I did love giving birth to my two kids but you can bet you bottom dollar that I was asking for the epi when I was able to have it. Another thing I had to find out on my own with having kids is that about 6 to 8 weeks after giving birth your hair starts to fall out! I would have loved to have known that one! So I guess what I am saying is from now on I am going to once again go against the flow and just be real. Church planting is wonderful and I don't think I would ever not do it but watch out because as a woman and the wife of a church planter you will have feelings about people, things, and just life that you have never had before. You will love and hate the job all in the same day. Trust me. I think woman who say they have never wanted to throw in the towel also have a major problem with lying. Trisha